FeedThe What-IF Game (Guest Post by Barbara Conelli, author of Chique Secrets of Dolce Amore)
June 28, 2012 in Book Club Possibility, Conelli Barbara, Helping Girls and Women Around the World, High School Teachers, Writing Skills Tags: book contest, Helping Women and Girls around the world, travel writing, WOW! blog tour
Learn To Play The What-If Game
(Guest post by Barbara Conelli)
From Margo: I am so honored to have Barbara Conelli guest post with this wonderfully inspiring essay on turning around those annoying, negative WHAT IF questions and making them positive. Anyone can benefit from this post! She is using the book she wrote, Chique Secrets of Dolce Amore, to its fullest potential and living the best life she can!
To celebrate her latest book about loving life in Italy, she is offering great prizes. Here’s what you need to know before you read her post about those WHAT-IF questions.
1. A downloadable gift bag for every person who comments on this blog! (I love this idea!) So, what is a downloadable gift bag? You will receive this just for commenting (please leave your email address, so we can send these to you): Chique Virtual Tour: The Secret Gems of Italy Every Woman Must Know, First five chapters of Chique Secrets of Dolce Vita (her first book), First five chapters of Chique Secrets of Dolce Amore (her current book), Chique Blog Tour Special Gift (Only for the tour!): E-Book: The Most Romantic Chique Places to Fall in Love in (and with) Milan. (If you are a lover of Italy, leave a comment!)
2. Every person who leaves a comment will also be entered into a larger drawing for 1 Chique Journal (contest open internationally). Please leave your comment before 8:00 pm CST on Sunday, 7/1 for your chance to win. Comments can be questions, something about the what-if game, thoughts on Italy, pick me, etc.
3. Barbara is doing a bunch of fun stuff with her blog tour this summer, plus she has a book trailer video and more. Check out all the contests, book trailer, her website, etc, by going to WOW!’s blog and reading these two posts: Summer in Italy Contests and blog tour launch.
Don’t skip this article below. It’s wise!
From Barbara on the What-If game!
There are a few words I left out of my vocabulary many years ago, when I realized my verbal habits were my biggest creative roadblocks: I can’t. I should – I shouldn’t. I have to. And the most toxic verbal turn-off: WHAT IF.
For some reason, our ego, traditionally threatened by dreams, visions, aspirations, and creative endeavors of all kinds, seems to thrive on what-if scenarios. They are the fastest tool your inner gremlin uses when it wants you to fall off the wagon, hide under the duvet and cry, delete the new chapter, burn the submission package, cut your hair and swear off high heels.
“What if I’m no good? What if it doesn’t work out? What if my book doesn’t sell? What if I never make it? What if I can’t write? What if everyone hates my story? What if I get the worst reviews in history? What if my family gets upset?”
When your mind decides to play this dirty trick, it hurts. It stings. It discourages. Although most of the time our worst-case scenario is absolutely subjective and not based on any real facts, we often choose to go with the poisonous flow and give in to it.
The truth is that no one can guarantee things will always go the way you want. But no one can say they won’t. The what-if game can be fun if you learn to turn it around and use it for your own benefit. Not being able to predict the outcome belongs to the juicy adventure called life, and as you can’t really know what happens, why don’t you focus on the other part of the story?
“What if I’m great? What if it works out? What if my book becomes a bestseller? What if I can make it? What if I’m an excellent writer? What if everyone loves my story? What if I get five-star reviews? What if my family chooses to support me?”
You will never know unless you try, but focusing on the positive, creative what-if game, instead of the dreadful, scary worst-case scenarios, definitely improves your odds. As Henry Ford said: “Whether you think that you can, or that you can’t, you are usually right.” And he also said: “When everything seems to be going against you, remember that the airplane takes off against the wind, not with it.”
You have a gift to share. You have a passion that makes you feel alive. It is your birthright, and even your obligation, to use all the water in your beautiful well of creativity – generously, lovingly and fearlessly. The world is your sandbox, waiting for the castles you’re going to build. What would you do today if what-if didn’t matter?
So, don’t forget to leave a comment! And if you are interested in taking any online writing classes this summer, I am teaching social networking (beginners and advanced) and writing a middle grade novel (beginners and advanced). Go to the WOW! Classroom!
June 28th, 2012 at 7:17 am
As a chronic “what-iffer” (usually the bad, seldom the good), I love Barbara’s advice. I might have to bookmark this post to come back to again and again!
June 28th, 2012 at 9:03 am
I loved this post. The negative thoughts are like the elephant sitting at the dining room table. No one actually sees it, but we think it. I believe the thoughts are louder in my head then they are if I just write them down and give them to my worry doll collection.
Thanks for the uplift.
June 28th, 2012 at 11:01 am
What a positive spin on turning around negative thinking!
June 28th, 2012 at 1:04 pm
I am definitely a “what ifer.” I am the pessimest, the worrier, the doubter. Even though things usually work out in the end, I dread the process. I’ll be printing this article and posting it on my bulletin board as a constant reminder. I still can be a “what ifer,” it’s just that I need to look on the bright side. Thanks!
June 28th, 2012 at 2:39 pm
Thank you very much for participating in my book tour! And thank you for all these beautiful comments. I’m so glad you enjoyed reading the article and found it helpful. What-ifers must stick together – we’re going to win this game!
June 28th, 2012 at 3:17 pm
To be honest, at times I’m terrified of writing. I find reasons to give up. I’m already actively working on my back up plan instead of giving myself the chance to write while I’m home with my babies. It’s so easy and practical to give up and not try. I don’t like to fail, and at times it is hard to picture success. The last paragraph though, I need to look at that every time I have my ‘what if’ At least I need to keep trying while I can!
June 28th, 2012 at 4:25 pm
What a beautiful way to think of not just writing, but life in general. Our world is often changed by those who embrace and even relish in the what ifs of life instead of hiding under the burden of their often negative influence.
June 28th, 2012 at 9:32 pm
Rose,
I have to say that when I read this post, I did think of you. If you wouldn’t have found your way here today, I was going to e-mail you this post.
Thank you to everyone else for stopping by and leaving a comment.
Barbara, thank you to you for your inspiring words!
Margo
June 28th, 2012 at 10:32 pm
I have always been a ‘what if’ kind of person and never thought about turning it around! I am going to have to make an effort to do this when I catch myself “what-iffing.”
June 28th, 2012 at 11:27 pm
This made me cry–I’m four months pregnant and very hormonal
There are so many choices for me to make right now as a writer, wife, and mother (we’re house hunting and moved eight months ago) that the “what if” monster is taking over my world. Thank you for this post; it was just what I needed to hear.
June 29th, 2012 at 5:15 am
Love the airplane quote –thanks!
June 29th, 2012 at 5:25 am
What if? Mostly, I am able to turn off the negative monster and don’t embrace the positive one. I work to write the best I can and remind myself of what John Gardner said in his book ON BECOMING A NOVELIST (although I think he might have been quoting a famous author ) –”Why should we expect to get paid for doing what we love?”
But I do play the What if game with my plot and my characters. That’s the most exciting What if. It is the most constructive and helps with what we as writers set out to do, and that is to WRITE!
June 29th, 2012 at 5:40 am
So funny – I started a new journal last week and decided to do something similar – put the postive possibilities down instead of all the worries. And I started it with, “What if everyone loves my books?” and things like that. It’s so nice to have a kindred spirit speak similar words, helps us know that we are all very much alike and that we are never alone. Thanks for this. Love the name of the book too!!
June 29th, 2012 at 5:40 am
I don’t worry too much about my ability to write because Clara Gillow Clark boosts my confidence about that; however, I do worry about my ability to follow my plot and stay true to my characters. To me, this is the hardest part about novel writing. I don’t play the “what if my manuscript doesn’t sell” game, because I’ve already been multiply rejected on multiple manuscripts. Been there, done that, survived!
One day they will find me and the others will say, “Darn! Why didn’t I accept that manuscript?” That’s when it will get REALLY scary and the “What if” games will begin for me.
Thanks for the contest, downloadable gift, and motivating article. Please stop by my blog for a laugh.
Joyce
http://joycelansky.blogspot.com
jlanskyATcomcastDOTcom
June 29th, 2012 at 12:49 pm
Once writing becomes a habit you just get up each day and do it. Someone asked
Lesley Conger once if she was still writing. She said she wanted to ask the person
if they were still breathing. Everybody has days when they feel a little scared of
writing but the cure is to keep on writing.
June 29th, 2012 at 3:23 pm
What ever the obstacle, whatever the doubt; we just have to keep moving forward. Researching and learning more each day will get us there. Worry just devastates us, and puts us in a stalled emotion. Write what you love, work hard, and let that take you where you want to go. Life has all kinds of stop, starts, curves and falls. For me worry stops me flat, so I’ve decided to look past worry, throw away the what if s, and just give my attention to what it is I am going to do!
June 30th, 2012 at 1:01 am
Good things to give up. “should” and bad “what ifs”
You only job is to gift your gift. Worrying about how others will receive it is pointless.
June 30th, 2012 at 2:32 pm
Thanks, Margo and Barbara, for this beautiful reminder of amazing possibilities. When, at times, we are our own worst enemies, we need to change it up and be inspired, uplifted, and celebrated. We need to be our own best friends and declare “this is truly awesome that I get to write every day.” Where will it lead? Who knows, but we celebrate and welcome each journey. Keep it up.
June 30th, 2012 at 10:41 pm
Have you been inside my journal? I began writing in January. After reading the works of my critique group, I stalled. I’ve only submitted one thing for them to read. What if they think I should not be writing? What if they say, “Poor thing, isn’t it sad she doesn’t know she can’t write?” However, I’ve made up my mind that I HAVE TO WRITE! I MUST WRITE! So, it begins, sweaty palms, nervous stomach, and some pretty good scenarios of, “What if my character does or says…?” I am so glad I stopped by here today. This has been so insightful and just the affirmation I needed to be a courageous writer.
I’ve always wanted to go to Italy and wondered how much it costs to rent a villa for a month? One can dream.
July 2nd, 2012 at 9:57 pm
Hi all–
Margo here. Thank you for all your wonderful comments. This post has hit home for so many of us. The winner of the journal is Penelope Ann Cole. Congratulations.
Everyone look for the virtual gift bags in your e-mail inbox.
Thanks for your support!
Don’t forget the essay contest and learn Italian contest.
Margo
February 18th, 2013 at 10:17 am
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At this point in my writing career, I simply want to get more visibility for my writing and I will write for free as long as you are fine with me adding a small author bio section following the blog post about myself.
Awaiting your response with your interest on this.
Thanks a ton,
Tina